By Renee Pullman

I saw a terrible fight today between a young couple who are friends of mine – they have a baby together and were trying to make it.

He had left home the morning before to see about a problem with their car, he last talked to her at 9pm. He was talking to a mechanic about the car trouble. By midnight he hadn’t called back, wasn’t answering his phone, and she was upset. She didn’t hear from him until early afternoon on the next day and so it was goodbye. She had all of his stuff packed up and ready to go when he came in. She told him to leave gave him a note saying she hated him and regretted it the rest of the day.

It sounds like he has something to hide doesn’t it? Yet, it turns out he just acted stupid or perhaps was a victim of circumstance, you can decide.

After the mechanic, he went by his mothers and fell asleep on her couch – of course his cell phone had run down and wasn’t receiving calls and the baby had kept them both up for several nights in a row and both were tired and stressed. His mom went to work early the next day and he slept on. The next afternoon he went home to the fiery welcome.

It has been several days now and while I believe this will work out I’m not sure.

Where is the blame? All night long she was alone with the baby and worried about him. At some point her inner conversation turned from concern to “why is he doing this to me?”

On the previous day he had left a stressful situation with the baby, happy to get away and onto some manly thing like fixing the car. He had avoided calling because he didn’t want to hear any more about it just then.

So the trap was set, two parties in a relationship who care about and love each other but who have not yet learned to look far enough beyond themselves to see the whole situation before playing their big card in the game, the biggest card they both have – anger. In their families it was one of the big ways to settle things, get mad first and get what you want.

She is still mad because now he is not fulfilling his obligation to help with the baby and is getting off Scott free. He says he never wants to see her again.

This situation could have been avoided with better communication skills. It is a common response with many couples to never really talk through annoying situations and then when something a little bigger happens they play the anger card first. The other person then retaliates in kind and it all spirals out of control with no clear way to reel it back in.

You can learn how to get him back after a breakup by discovering better ways to communicate both with yourself and within your relationship. Just click on the link or go directly to http://www.TheMagicOfMakingUpFast.com.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Renee_Pullman
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By Renee Pullman

Children and divorce is a difficult issue for a couple divorcing. Children are usually the last to learn about their parents impending separation or divorce before it happens. The family that they have known all their lives is about to be turned on it’s head and this is sprung on them all at once.

Parents usually are well intentioned – they are afraid and don’t know what to say. They are afraid their children won’t understand, that they will burden the children with their problems, that the information will add to their hurt. So parents wait, they put off telling their children until the last minute and by then events gather momentum and the kids get a few words at the last minute. The reasons for waiting are understandable but they don’t help. Your children need to know and as much as possible they need to understand. Only with understanding can they adapt to the new conditions in a healthy way.

You need to have a discussion with your spouse and be certain that you are separating. If you might be separating then it is not the right time to tell them. After the decision is firm then you need to decide where the children will live and how you will parent them even if it is only temporary. When you have these things talk to your children.

Have a family meeting and tell the children together. Even though the family may be breaking it is good if the children can see that their parents both still love and care about them and that they are working together as parents. They will understand that you are still in charge and that here is a free and open opportunity to discuss what is happening. Providing them with this stability is an important thing for you and your spouse to do.

Tell them that you are divorcing, that you’ve been unhappy and unable to work things out. Remind them that they are not losing either of their parents and that you both still love them. Parents divorce each other but not their children and both of you will continue to spend time with them.

Encourage them to ask questions and express their feelings. Suppressing the deep feelings present can result in children acting out and making an already difficult situation worse. But a healthy venting of the emotions can help your kids throughout their lives to be able to talk about feelings and relate better to their worlds.

What is the best divorce advice for men? Find resources that let you take in the process and how it works, how to talk to your kids about it. Information that allows you to plan and manage your divorce. Information that allows you to plan ahead and protect yourself and your children.

http://www.formendivorce.com/DivorceForMen/ is divorce advice for men, it is tactics and strategy, but also how to handle the even more difficult things like children and divorce – talking to your kids to be sure they come out OK too.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Renee_Pullman
http://EzineArticles.com/?Divorce-Advice-For-Men—Children-and-Divorce&id=3580474