By Renee Pullman

Divorce for men can be all uphill. If you are involved in divorce the feelings that come out from this can be so intense that you may feel like you are about to be emasculated. At that time, many men lash out in anger – they have a testosterone moment and divorce rage erupts.

This anger could range from throwing the new flat-screen TV through the window, to taking a ball bat to the car headlights so she can’t leave, taking a friend with you to push your way into her new apartment to get some things straight, to a black eye, and other such inappropriate behavior. The thing is this type of behavior is just what she needs to in essence emasculate you in a legal way by having you arrested and humiliating you in court. If there is ever a time that you need to rein in emotions and testosterone reactions it is in a divorce situation when you are feeling the most burdened down, the most like you want to do something. The something you must do is control the emotions, but how?

I’ve talked previously about finding power phrases to keep you centered and help you avoid depression, the same kind of response can handle this. The most common way of describing this activity is self-talk.

What kinds of things do you say to yourself?

Most of us have a more or less constant conversations going on with ourselves. We get a break when we are asleep, at a movie, a concert, or other entertainment. It lessens when we are at work or otherwise concentrating and yet it is there. The voices that come up occasionally are new thoughts or inspiration but for most these kinds of thoughts are blocked by the negative voices within. Perhaps by expressions we heard from our families, or from being called names when we were young. Worst of all is our own voices of condemnation when we have failed at something, or didn’t approach a person we were interested in, or take the deal we should have taken because we were afraid.

Some silence those voices by destructive behavior, others can’t get past it and don’t sleep well, and many other less than useful ways. If you are involved in divorce perhaps the voices condemn you for your failings in the relationship, maybe you become the last guy, or last woman that anyone would ever want and all is lost.

When these conversations in your head erupt you need to be ready to answer? You don’t even have to believe these answers when you start as long as they convey a positive message and a positive answer for you. You will come to believe them and come to take positive action on them. Your homework for this article is consider what you want post-divorce and find some dialog to answer the negatives with. Get a motivational quotes book and pull some quotes out that speak to you and have them ready to add to and control this inner dialog with.

So when you are about to take a ball bat to her car or throw the TV out the window have an answer ready – you do not have to act in an insane way that will entrap you, you don’t have to act in a way that will figuratively emasculate you at the end of the divorce.

You need to learn the words to say to yourself to rein things in and put yourself in control. You can take control of yourself and your divorce. This doesn’t mean that everything that happens will be exactly to your liking, but if you take charge of yourself, your life, and your divorce you can get an outcome that you will like.

Successful divorce for men starts with the mental game, it means learning the steps of the process so you never feel lost, it means the mental game and what to say to yourself, it means learning the strategies and tactics that will produce a winning outcome: http://www.formendivorce.com/

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By Renee Pullman

Communication is the key to any relationship. This goes well beyond any man-woman relationship; it is a timeless tenant for any organization including men and women. A broken relationship will result if you don’t communicate, listen, and understand each other.

Lack of understanding can come about because even though you may both speak English you may relate to the world in different ways. The science of neuro linguistic programming teaches us that there are three main types of oral communications between people:

1. Visual

2. Auditory

3. Kinesthetic or feeling

These levels are based on our senses and the senses that we favor as we process the world.

Most of us communicate on a visual level. They may use expressions like, “yes I can see that” or “I see what you are saying,” and other ways involving visual words.

The next largest group of us communicates using auditory methods. This group uses phrases like: “I hear you,” and similar audio based words.

The smallest group, Kinesthetic, use feeling expressions like: “I feel that we should go to a movie.” I feel, it touches me, and so on.

What is your portal to the world? Do you relate mostly by what you see, what you hear, or what you feel? Do you know that these are filters? When you talk to others if they relate mostly by feel and you see their point while they feel yours then it becomes more difficult for the two of you to relate to each other.

The next thing to consider is non-verbal communications. This means noticing both the tone of the response as well as body language. Someone may say yes in agreement but say it with such a tone that you know they don’t really mean it. Their body language will speak here as well. Arms crossed and a stern tone of voice gives an entirely different message than just the word “yes.”

When you and your partner communicate do you really understand each other? Check if you say, “I see” and your partner says “I feel” or “I hear you.” Look at them as you speak, see what their eyes do, how they move their body. Really notice what is going on because, yes communication takes place on all of these levels.

Watch how you communicate as well. We all unconsciously give clues to what is going on in our heads by the words we use, the intonation of them, and our movements, expressions, and other physiology.

Picking up these new kinds of listening skills can help you in your relationship and in life because you will understand more deeply what is going on in your communications. Our communications determine expectations for each other. Bad communications and crushed expectations means a broken relationship almost every time.

Saving A relationship is made easier when you understand the right ways of communicating. Discover the secrets of relationships by clicking the link or just go directly to http://www.TheMagicOfMakingUpFast.com. Visit us and get your free relationship report and access to a special relationship video.

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